Project 2020

It has been 2,120+ days since I published a post here. There are weeks I forget to do my daily gratitude journal, so I sit on Monday morning trying to remember what was great about the prior Wednesday. That’s meant to indicate that I will definitely struggle to remember what was great in the 5 years, 9 months, and 23 days from the date of last published post. 

A couple years ago I started a draft of something I called Project2020. I didn’t do anything but name it that, so who knows what I was going to do with it. I also started that when 2020 wasn’t a mere 64 days away. Good intentions and all that.

BUT: if you want to be a writer, you have to write. You can’t say you love writing, you want to write, you process by writing and then not write. I mean, you can. That’s what I’ve done. But it doesn’t get you very far.

So, in the name of getting further: I’m back. Let’s see what we can do.




Filed under rambles

Twenty Five

I’m 25 today. Some people call this quarter-life, but I’m a facts person and statistically speaking my life expectancy as a healthy woman (regular workouts, regular drinking, mostly healthy eating, living in Dallas county) is 80.2 years meaning, technically, I hit a third-life milestone. Third-life means you’re fine, not crazy. Right?

I’m not so much a believer in the quarter-life crisis phenomena, though I see how it could easily happen to me or to anyone around me. In addition to being a facts person, I’m also an emotions person so I totally know how the combination of nostalgia, wishes not granted, dreams come true and general length of twenty-five years behind you could pile up into a mound of feelings. And we’ve all just realized how complicated I am as a human.

Twenty five years.

When I was young, my imagination stretched only to age 21. I figured once I got to 21, the rest would be a cake walk because then I’d graduate, get a job, get a husband, get a cat, get a baby, get rich, retire and then eventually die. In that order, and that streamlined. Clearly, 16 year old’s thoughts about adulthood don’t win out in this world.

Which is fine.

Because since age 21, I’ve learned, stretched and hurt more than I thought possible. I’ve felt extreme joy, jealousy, compassion and passion. Probably all in the same week. But more than anything else, here on this day, I can finally say the feeling I feel the most is gratitude. Thankfulness for all I’ve been given and all that’s been withheld, all I’ve deserved and not deserved. Happy the way I see things, want things, isn’t always the way they go and the way things go doesn’t always work for me.

I’m also thankful my birthday is in January, when the year starts fresh. New Year’s Eve is so quick, so sparkly and I never feel like I have time between the rush of the holidays and presents and food to really take inventory of myself, my year. Those 8 days in January before my birthday, though? I use those.

So, what do I want most now?

  1. To primarily operate out of an attitude of thankfulness, because I believe only then are you joyful
  2. To get over myself and stop my jealousy
  3. To stop being jealous by starting to live out my dreams
  4. To live out my dreams
  5. To count blessings more than hurts
  6. To work smarter
  7. To lift others up
  8. To smile more
  9. To teach Jackson to stop eating walls (I mean…)
  10. To write more
  11. To notice more – the details are where you find it, I really believe that
  12. To live bigger, more uncomfortably, in the awkward places and spaces I try to shy away from
  13. To stop talking about being single, sad, or anything else not on my wish list of life
  14. To do my dishes regularly (this will be on my birthday list indefinitely)
  15. To learn a new skill
  16. To rest
  17. To stop feeling guilty about anything
  18. To pray
  19. To release expectations of others
  20. To bake more
  21. To quit Facebook
  22. To travel, far and frequently
  23. To trust in Jesus, the Universe, the plans I don’t get to make for me
  24. To savor the good days, foods, moments – to enjoy something so much I have to close my eyes to feel it
  25. To make it to 26 with love in my heart and grace in my hands

Simple, easy, straightforward. I typically don’t make resolutions or numbered goals. I’ve found in the last four or five years, my goals are similar yearly: to live gracefully, content with the items I get and share as much as possible – but twenty five is different and I felt it required a bit more intention this year.

Happy birthday to me, and happy New Year to you.




Filed under updates

New Year, New You, New Goals, New EVERYTHING

Just kidding. I’m not an infomercial.

I’ve thought a lot about resolutions these past few days and I’ve realized they’re all a crock. Also, get out of my gym and stop buying all the produce at Sprouts you wanna-be healthy eaters.

Kidding, again. Eat more vegetables and move your butt around, it’s good for you.

So, my outlook for 2014? Uncertain. I’m excited – like the sometimes-its-hard-to-sleep-tomorrow’s-the-first-day-of-school feeling – and quietly unambitious at once. I didn’t put my finger on it until today when I read Jenny Blake’s plan for 2014 in which she quotes Lao Tzu:

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things.

Mind blown. Not seeking, not expecting. Sounds like the ultimate change from my 2013 mindset, activities and goals. I’m in. Don’t get me wrong! There are still actions I’ll take and feelings I’ll seek, including establishing a regular posting schedule for this blog, writing more, exercise, all the usual suspects. But I’m going to cease the striving to there and focus on here. Can I remain unmoving? What a great challenge – to be still, thankful and fine with what is. Sounds good to me.

One new thing this year will be Monday posts. I don’t have a super creative title for this today, but I want to share things I think are interesting with you every week. Here you go:

  • I made this pasta and I loved every moment of every spicy, creamy bite. I added in about two tablespoons of plain greek yogurt for the creamy. Everything Jessica makes eventually also gets made in my kitchen. Go try something on this blog, you will love it.
  • Guess what? Only 46 percent of us will still be working on our New Year’s Resolutions by February. And everyone wants to be skinny.
  • In addition to the supreme cold everywhere (if this is the first time you’ve been told ‘it’s cold’ today, congrats on not reading the news, being on social media or speaking to anyone), today is generally the crabbiest day of the year. Mashable gave us 24 gifs to cheer us up. I love the flirty cat.

What sounds good to you in 2014?



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Filed under rambles