Saturday night, coming home late from a fun night out with friends, a young man who had too much to drink swerved into our lane and totaled my car.
Kristina was driving, Lindsey was in the front seat and I was in the back. We were all wearing seat belts, and we are all okay. Lindsey’s nose is fractured, Kristina has air bag burns and we all have sore necks. My car is scary and sad looking. I know we were lucky, so very lucky, to walk away from that mess.
I can’t stop thinking about it, which is why I am writing about it. I feel so guilty for being a hysterical mess during the process afterwards; I was crying and yelling and not thinking straight. I didn’t get names or numbers, I do not even remember the majority of it. I have this weight of guilt for not acting like my usual productive responsible self. Is that really the issue, though?
I have so much to be grateful for, so many people in my life who are helping me get around without a car and cope with the mess. I am blessed to only have a stiff neck. I have parents who are able to help me understand it, to put it in perspective, “it’s only a car Chelsie.”
So today, I pray for the boy who hit us. He went off to jail in the middle of it all, and I do not even know his name. I pray for Lindsey, whose nose is swollen and face is stiff. I pray for Kristina, who somehow saw an oncoming car and managed to hold on for our safety. I pray for the police officers who were there that sat me down and calmed me down, who spoke with my dad when I couldn’t get it together. I pray for me, who takes burdens on that are unnecessary — I pray that I remember the perspective of the situation.
It was only an accident. It was hard and scary and messy. I am sore and bruised, but I am not broken. And I still have a lot to focus on, things I had planned for February. I have more ahead of me, and I am so thankful I get to go into those days.
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he,
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
– Isaiah 46:4