Yesterday, as I typed my initial post for the link-up I thought “this is just going to be so great.” What fantastic intentions I have, how peaceful and tranquil this month will be.
At 5:55, when my alarm went off for the third time, I thought “this is insane.” Then, I looked at my phone, realized it was only October 1 which means there are in fact 30 straight days ahead of me, swung my legs out of bed and groaned out loud. As I moved from the bedroom to my cozy chair with the blanket on it, Jackson looked at me, sighed audibly, moved into the warm spot in the bed I just left and proceeded to go right back to sleep. He’s clearly not on the crazy train with me.
So, I got a glass of water, washed my face and read Anne Lamott for 45 minutes. Around 6:30, I thought “wait, yes, this is why I am doing this. This is peaceful and good.” And so at least we’ve identified early on how my pattern of thoughts will go every morning for 30 days. I should have named this 31 Days of Bipolar Thoughts Hour.
Around 6:40, Jackson awoke but since he could see me in the living room decided rather than jumping off the bed per usual, he would whine until I got up and lifted him down.
Me: Jackson, you know how to jump. Get down if you want to.
Me: Hey, do it or don’t. But don’t whine about it, kid.
Dog: woof woof, low growl to insinuate how angry he is at me
Me: OK, I’m going outside
Dog: immediately jumps to the ground, waggling with excitement and happiness
Then I thought, I wonder if this is how God sees me. Perfectly capable of the next step, the dance move, the decision but low growling, asking for someone – anyone – to lift me off the bed for fear of the jump. So today, here is my lesson: there is something to be said for asking for help, but there is also a need to jump when you are capable. Do it, or don’t, but don’t whine about it. If you’ve asked for help – wait for the help to arrive. This, as Anne Lamott told me this morning, is a slow moving process where grace doesn’t arrive announcing herself. Instead, “it’s clog and slog and scootch, on the floor” to the next step.
Morning one brought to you by a stubborn dog with a stumbling, bumbling owner. Good morning, world.
This is the first post in a series, 31 Days of 6 a.m. To see a list of all posts, updated everyday in the month of October, click here. If you would like to have these posts delivered directly to your email, enter your email address in the form, located at the top right of the home page.