Tag Archives: day 31

#31days: Day Thirty One (or, the fear)

No, not the Halloween kind but see what I did there?

This morning I decided to play with my decidedly ALWAYS playful dog. As I swatted my hands around, I noticed something interesting. If my hands were outside of a blanket, he’d playfully lick and jump around. If I put my hands in the blanket, things got aggressive. Teeth came out, so did growling. When he couldn’t decide what was coming at him, he was scared – it wasn’t fun.

I’m getting somewhere, I swear.
(And no, Kate this won’t be a whole post on dog analogies.)

I realized I’ve been acting like Jackson, lashing out with fear and concern because I can’t see entirely in front of me. Instead of playing – having fun, living in the moment – I’ve been gritting my teeth, putting my head down, working hard. I’ve been disappointed by standards not met or dreams not fulfilled which aren’t even necessarily real or needed? I’ve been living in the confines of fear – fear of failure, fear of dreams not coming true, fear of disappointing someone (anyone), fear of routine, repetition.

One of my favorite songs is called The Fear, by Ben Howard. This line gets me every time: Mama, cold-hearted child, tell me where it all falls | Oh this apathy you feel will make a fool of us all. The Lumineers said the opposite of love is indifference.

Apathetic. Indifferent. Fearful.
Not who I want to be.

This isn’t fear manifesting like I don’t want to go on the rollercoaster, or my hands get sweaty in a big meeting. This is the fear manifesting in a way forcing you to live smaller than you were ever intended to live. Big fear holding you back, telling you to hush, to stay in, to keep it to yourself. Fear, like hope, hides in the corners. Either will come to you, depending on what you look for.

So, as I wrap up 31 days of sharing my early morning and daytime thoughts with you all, I wanted to share the deep desire in me to not be afraid of dreaming big, out-of-reach dreams and how badly I want everyone in my life to live in less fear as well.

mAGIC HAPPENS

Thank you, thank you for reading and encouraging me as I do this. My dreams are bigger than just a 31 days series, and it’s because I have people who tell me what you are doing is a good thing, we like this that I am realizing my dreams may not  be too far out of reach.

You can find all posts from October’s 31 Days of a.m here: https://cbaugh.wordpress.com/series/31-days-of-6-a-m/

Xo,

Cb

PS: I’m still waking up at six tomorrow.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under 31 Days

day nineteen: our daily bread

When I was driving home from work today, I said a really good blog post on patience out loud to myself. But, I went to Pei Wei and had the most spicy dish of my life and since have completely forgotten what I remember to be a witty post.

Alas, backup plan. Let’s talk about food. Or, in a nice parody of a John Mayer classic, waiting on your waist to change. “Chelsie, what does food have to do with patience?” you may be thinking. Well, for starters you should wait 30 minutes before swimming if you’ve eaten. Secondly, you should not focus on food in your life and if you are trying to be healthy – you should NOT be ready to “drop 5 pounds in 7 days by drinking only water!!”

So twofold here: you shouldn’t focus on what you are going to eat or wear – at least according to the bible. And according to mothers everywhere. Secondly, if you are trying to improve your health you should remember to have patience with yourself and your body.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? [Matthew 6:25]

I think we’ve gotten to a point in our lives where we both love to eat whatever we want and expect to be the size we want. My personal philosophy on health has changed since college. My desk job added a few pounds in the past year, and the combination of sitting all day and being tired at night forced me to really watch my food intake. Personally, I’ve learned a few things but I think the key takeaway is this: move. Eat whatever you want in moderation, and take advantage of the beautiful body you have!  Don’t worry about low-fat or no calories, eat the food you want to eat then go on a walk. Or Zumba class or boxing or jump on a trampoline. And DONT WORRY ABOUT IT. Worry adds stress which adds fat. Ha! Conundrum.

I know there are many people who are unhappy with what they see in the mirror. I have two messages for those people:

  • You are beautiful and I bet you’re the only person who would disagree.
  • If you don’t like what you see, change it – talking bad about yourself to yourself doesn’t change anything for the better. The difference between the person you are and the person you want to be is what you do about getting there.

We should be patient with ourselves, with this life. You should savor the days – savor the food, the drink, the company and the light of day. Time goes by anyway – you may as well enjoy your journey, body and soul. If you are trying to change your lifestyle, please do! I think it’s wonderful to eat well, bountiful meals filled with meats and cheeses. But don’t rush yourself to a particular number or a certain size. Please be happy with who you are because  you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I promise you are loved!

 

See you tomorrow.

XO,
CB

Today is day nineteen in my 31 days of patience series. For all posts in the series,click here.

Leave a comment

Filed under 31 Days

day sixteen: patience with yourself

Have you ever heard the saying “well, there’s two types of people in the world…those who [blank] and those who [blank].” Sometimes the list will be longer – “there are 8 types of women…” or “three office co-workers you definitely have.” So, um yeah right.

There’s a millions of people in the world, and we’re all just one single kind: humans. Or, human beans if you want to get cute.

We’re all just humans who put a lot of pressure on ourselves and others to be the kind of human we think is correct. Now, what varies is the kind of human we’re striving to be, but at the end of the day we all think we should have done more. Whatever “more” is! Cleaned more, laughed more, answered more emails, ran more miles, etc. And the crazy thing is, we put pressure on others as well! She should have called me more, he should have laughed more, etc. etc.

It’s a hard balance, this life. On one hand, yes, you should try to live your best life. On the other hand, chill out you literally cannot do it all. So how do you live with this conundrum?

Here’s how I work it:

1. I work well with lists, tangible handwritten kind you can cross off or circle or highlight. I write down a list everyday at work (for time keeping purposes), I write down a grocery list/meal plan every week at home, I write down chores for every week, and I include scheduled workouts. Here’s a secret: I never cross 100% of the items off – not even at work. There is always at least one item moving to the next day – and I am okay with it. I even do it on purpose sometimes!

2. I make goals in big terms. If I’m trying to make it to the gym more often I’ll say “I’m going to perform an activity involving some sort of exercise at least 15 times this month.”  And then I do 15 days worth of activity. Because a big overarching goal is way more doable than “I’m going to wake up at 6 a.m. four days a week for the rest of my life and jog six miles, even though I have a life and a desire to sleep.” Also get real, people. Seriously! Yes, you should be aspirational but don’t set yourself up to fail.

3. I cut myself a break. Truly listen to yourself! If you were planning on going to workout but you are bone tired, which activity will serve you better: a nap or a workout? Decide for yourself and then don’t feel bad about it. Just do what works for you that day, and go with what works the next day even if it is different.

Some items to remember, that I consider universal truths and can be backed by scripture, smart people and history:

  • you do not have to be perfect to be loved
  • you do not have to say yes to every opportunity
  • you do not need to fear the unknown (including “wasted” time)
  • you do not always need to be right
  • you do not need to be your biggest critic

The last one is the biggie, and how this all ties into patience. Be patient with yourself. Don’t overlook the fact you are the only person who truly has to live with you forever. So don’t make YOU be the hater of YOU! There’s enough people in the world who will judge you, you just love you. And love others while you’re at it just for fun. See what happens. : )

See you tomorrow.

XO,
CB

Today is day sixteen in my 31 days of patience series. For all posts in this series, click here.

Leave a comment

Filed under 31 Days