Tag Archives: rest

#31Days: Day Twenty Seven (or, additional voices in my head)

Some days I am very satisfied with myself – these days when I mark up a to-do list with highlighted lines and check marks. These lists are not limited to my cubicle at work, I make them for cleaning or cooking, for personal goals and packing. I mark up mental lists, post-its and lined notebooks.

Today I had a thought – what if I didn’t make these lists?

Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I don’t need to list and structure my life. Maybe these lists – this pressure – is one of the sources of my deeply rooted guilt I can not shake when even the most minor of infractions happen.

Tell me – who feels guilty when they live alone and leave toothpaste in the sink? Who can’t shake the feeling of irreversible wrong doing if they let a call go to voice mail? Who feels a consistent need to confess a minor fender bender to any and all coworkers, as if not telling them of my act would somehow be worse? Who believes their dog is sad when he isn’t taken for a 15 minute walk? Who goes to bed at night worried because there is one load of laundry left in the dryer? Who wakes up mentally calculating the hours in the day and wondering when they can fit in work out and a light dusting of furniture because they have to do it today, this Monday, right now? 

I can’t believe I am the only one with this insane amount of self-pressure. Some blame the internet or TV – pinterest is the root of all self-doubt, right? But I think this pressure actually comes from the tiny voice saying you have to figure it out as soon as you can, and you better figure it out correctly.

Maybe I should stop telling you all how many voices are in my head, I’m starting to look a little crazy. At any rate, these voices are doubling down on my sheer exhaustion at the pace of October this year. I’ve worked a lot, traveled a lot, moved a lot, thought a lot. Everything is just a bit much and I have a deep, deep desire to rest.

Hoping this week shows a balance. Only 4 more days of 6 a.m., if you can believe it.

Xo,

Cb

This is the 27th post in a series, 31 Days of 6 a.m. To see a list of all posts from the month of October, click here. If you would like to have these posts delivered directly to you, enter your email address in the form located at the top right of the home page.

31daysbutton6am

Leave a comment

Filed under 31 Days

day seven: patience in rest

One of the most difficult thing for a woman to do is rest. I’m just guessing, and I’m sure there are exceptions to this, but if the rest of humanity is like me, they have a difficult time with doing nothing.

For example, this afternoon I have about three hours I could fill with errands, crafting, more cleaning, baking, exercising, bathing my dog, bathing myself, etc. etc. Instead, I am literally forcing myself to sit on my couch. I know that it’s important to take “me” time and I know the consequences felt when I don’t feel rested. Rested is different than not tired, rested means I had time to decompress, relax, and just be; however, I can’t be patient while resting. I’ll still make lists, or look up recipes, or organize my coffee table. Then, I get extra impatient with myself because I can’t just be.

The thing is, whether it’s a Sunday afternoon nap or a quick morning mediation, silent still time is important for your soul. You can more easily connect with a bigger sense of purpose, you can hear that “still, small voice” of a bigger Spirit.

Today, I challenge you to use patience with yourself and sit still for at least an hour. Use patience with yourself, because your mind will immediately jump to the thing you “should be” doing. Don’t. Sit and breathe. Click through pinterest, watch a terrible show, but don’t force yourself into action. Your soul will thank you.

See you tomorrow for week 2!

XO,

CB

Today is day seven of my 31 days of patience series. For all posts in the series,click here.

Leave a comment

Filed under 31 Days